Thursday 16 April 2015

Google Maps And Gary Maps

 A 40 mile bike ride was not enough. 

This was the conclusion that I came to when looking at the club ride planned for Sunday the 12th of April.

It was a 40 mile trip around the lowlands of Sunk Island to the east of Hull.

I needed to be doing 60 mile rides now according to the plan that I have never written down or articulated at all in this blog.

The ride was going to start from the Swiss Cottage pub in Bilton in the east of the city. The solution to my problem was clear but I wasn't looking forward to it.

If I cycled to the start point for the ride and back again that would add 26 miles to the overall distance which would be perfect.

The Delights of Hull City Centre
However, I did not like cycling through Hull city centre.

The roads were awful, the traffic could be intense and the increased risk of serious injury and death did not appeal.

Particularly the death part.

However, I was going to do it so that was that.

Getting lost was also a concern. The phrase "innate sense of direction " has never really applied to me. I could probably get lost in my own living room. 

Despite being a confirmed Luddite I decided to try using some modern technology.

If I put the journey to Swiss Cottage into Google Maps on my phone and then popped the phone into my pocket it would give me verbal directions as I went. This was really pushing the boundaries for me.

So at 8 am on the Sunday morning I set off from Barton and once over the Humber Bridge I set the phone up to take me to Swiss Cottage in a bossy female tone reminiscent of my ex wife.

On the whole it worked pretty well. Whenever the phone started to talk I would coast and listen to what was said and then take the appropriate action. I never did that for my ex wife though.

Only on a few occasions did I have to stop and take the phone out of my pocket to assess where to go next. I was going to make it to Swiss Cottage no problem and I would be alive which was a bonus.

There was one negative though. I had gone pretty slowly and I had arrived late. The club ride had departed and I would have to catch them up....or try to catch them up.

WAIT FOR MEEEEE !

 

By the time I set off from Swiss Cottage I was about 10 minutes behind them. This left me with a quandary. Just how fast do I go ? How far ahead are they? Will I even be able to catch them up ?

All good questions. My answer was to start pedalling fairly urgently and hope for the best.

So I got stuck into it. Bilton to Preston. No sign of them.

It was fairly disheartening to look up the road and be able to see for some distance and see......nothing. No flash of hi vis in the distance at all.  Unbeknown to me at that time I had just done a PB from Bilton to Preston and my heart rate was in the 170s all the way. So I was really trying.

From Preston to Hedon I started to think negatively. What if I couldn't catch them? Would I carry on and do the route on my own? Like a ride of shame with a big sign over my head saying

" This man could not catch up ! "

Then as I approached Hedon, I thought I saw a glint of fluorescent yellow in the far distance. This was like a shot of pure adrenalin to the system.

Into Hedon I blasted past the left turn of the one way system and went the wrong way down a one way street. I slammed on the anchors and turned round to take the correct turn.

Oh bugger I had lost all my momentum now and had to crank it all up again. Going through Hedon I still hadn't definitively laid eyes on them.
 
I took a left turn onto St Nicholas Gate and I finally saw a line of cyclists in the distance leaving Hedon.

That last mile or so before I finally got on the back of them was excruciating. My final objective was so close and yet I was so tired from the effort to get this far. Finally I crawled my way onto the back and didn't talk to anyone for the next 10 minutes as I just concentrated on recovering.

If I was expecting a great fanfare of welcome on my arrival I was to be disappointed

"Made it then ?" someone said.

THE ROUTE


So now I could actually start thinking about the route we were going to do and enjoying the ride with the club.

From Hedon we were going to continue south to Thorngumbald ( great name ) and then on to Sunk Island itself. Turning northwards the ride would then go to Patrington and Roos before looping round in a westward direction to return to Bilton.

Hills were going to be as rare as hen's teeth on this ride ( hurray ! ) but so was cover against the expected windy conditions ( boo ! )  The landscape whilst flat was very exposed and strong westerly to south westerly winds would be spicing things up.

After Thorngumbald I took some abuse from a motorist for signalling properly and manoeuvring into the road to take a right turn. He adopted the classic "shout something out of the window and accelerate away" method of communication.  Again this brought back fond memories of my ex wife.

Perhaps he was a brain surgeon on his way to a life saving operation and the few seconds he lost waiting for me to turn right meant the difference between life and death ?

More likely he was an arse hole though.

Somewhere between Thorngumbald and Sunk Island we were joined by Ben who had been even later than I was and had caught us up as well. After making this supreme effort I welcomed him in the usual fashion

"So, made it then ?"

We had a stop on the other side of Sunk Island before we got to Patrington Haven where there was a brief hiatus. There was a bit of confusion as to which way we were going. Some of the group seemed to think we should be going left.

The Hiatus At Patrington Haven


"No ! No ! No ! Not that way. We'll just end up at the same spot a bit further on and the roads are no good down there ! "

Gary lives in these parts and rides around these roads all the time so I certainly wasn't going to argue with him. Hell I couldn't even get to Bilton from Barton without instructions from the disembodied voice of my my ex wife. So I was no help at all.

In the world of work I have always found that it hardly matters what you you say so long as you say it with confidence and self belief people will go with you. And so it was with Gary who stated the way to go with such conviction that there was never any doubt which way we were going to go.

It wasn't Google Maps but Gary Maps from now on.

So straight through Patrington Haven it was and then left at Patrington to take us onto the A1033 that would send us towards Roos. This was a fast rolling road and we could get a bit of speed up before we took a right turn off the A1033 to take us to Winestead.

Through Winestead Gary kept the directions coming

"There's a F * * K in the road ! "

Steady on Gary, that's a bit harsh. I'm not used to these roads you know. I'm doing the best I can.

Then it dawned on me.. "There's a FORK in the road"  Ahhh... that's what he said !

Time to put in a claim for noise induced hearing loss maybe ?

There's A Fork Coming Up !
The roads continued to roll to the village of East End and up to Roos and there was some good fast cycling done. A bit of a breakaway group developed between East End and Roos with Ian, Gary and Jason.

I floored it to try and catch them up and didn't make it floundering in no man's land.

Another glorious failure.

The roads were undulating and twisting in this section so good bike handling was necessary if you were going to go fast. Another reason for my failure.

Jason had an interesting technique for going round corners quickly.

He would unclip the foot on the inside of the corner and stick his leg out as if he was getting ready to put his foot down.

I don't know if this was a "just in case I come off " strategy or if it stabilised him going round the corner.

Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of this as I was never in front of him going fast round a corner !

After Roos we had a stop just before the village of North End where I heard Gary say that his nephew had started the ride with us and now he had no idea where he was.

" He's a grown man and he'll have to sort himself out."

Tough love from Uncle Gary there.

As we continued our village hopping we went from North End to Hilston to Garton to Humbleton.

At Humbleton as Gary would be taking his leave soon he gave explicit instructions on how to get back to Bilton and assured us there would be a back wind all the way.

Gary Maps was working fine but Gary the weather app had some glitches in it.


Ben and Jason
As we approached Lelley we encountered a strong head wind and on the other side of Lelley it got even stronger.

Chris came to the front in defiance of the elements and started setting a tough pace to follow.

I got right behind him and was a bit disappointed that I could still feel a powerful wind against me. Chris said something and gestured off to the side.

I didn't catch it so ploughed on.

I later discovered he'd said

" Let's echelon up ! " as the wind was actually a cross wind.

I wish I'd heard that when he said it. No-one has ever said " Let's echelon up ! " to me before. Brilliant.

After a regroupment at the end of Lelley Road we were now on the final stretch back to Bilton and Swiss Cottage.  Knowing I am about to finish normally gives me a bit more energy for a final spurt. That's how my head works.

So I tagged along behind Chris for the run in to Swiss Cottage.  Great club ride.....yet again.

HANG ON THOUGH YOU ARE NOT FINISHED YET

 

But I wasn't finished was I ? I still had 13 miles to go to get back to Barton including running the gauntlet of Hull city centre. It was now just after noon and the traffic was buzzing. Shit.

I contemplated the situation whilst munching on a sandwich. As everyone started to break up and go their separate ways I quickly tagged on to Ian, Chris and June. They had done this run back through Hull on many occasions. At least I wouldn't get lost.

Me And A Sandwich
Getting lost would not be the problem on the way back though.

Keeping up would be.

The head wind back through Hull was extremely strong, the road surface was pants, the traffic was close and I was starting to get tired now.

All of a sudden my giving it everything on the run in to Swiss Cottage did not seem such a good idea.


It really was quite unpleasant on that ride back through Hull. Whilst Ian, Chris and June pedalled on bravely and silently, I had a little tantrum

"This is absolutely f * * king awful ! I f * *king hate it ! "

Chris And A Traffic Cone
Imagine Harry Enfield playing Kevin saying " I am not your slave ! " and you would be there.

Chris and June peeled off to go home and Ian very kindly took me all the way to Hessle Square and then pointed me in the right direction.


Once I was on my own I slowed to near walking pace. There was one last sting in the tale when crossing the Humber Bridge back to Barton. The head wind was astonishing and I nearly got blown off when manoeuvring round the north tower.

Then back home to rack up the last of 68 miles.

After showering and changing I took up my couch potato position and reflected on the ride.

Wow, what a day in the saddle.

It was just amazing that I was preparing for a ride that would be another 32 miles on top of that !

It didn't bare thinking about.

I checked my phone out. The battery was down at 9 %. Strange it started out at 100 % . Maybe it was something to do with the navigation. I opened up Google Maps it seemed to be still running the navigation

" Go to the end of the road and tur...."   I hit the OFF button.  Never did find that button on the ex wife.

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