The Lord Then Said to Noah " Go Into The Ark...."

As the weekend approached I had decided to push the envelope a little bit more. It was rare for me that I do a significant bike ride 2 days running. In fact it was so rare that it never happened.

Saturday 28th March was the Cottingham Road Club weekend ride. This had been billed as an "easy and flat 37 miles. "

Some hardy souls were contemplating doing the route twice so that they would break sweat. It seemed that there would hardly be a need to pedal at all.

One lap would be enough for me.

The following day, Sunday, I had committed to do a 38 mile ride with Phil a CRC member who couldn't make the Saturday ride.

As a result Phil was experiencing cycling withdrawal.

This is a worrying condition with the symptoms being a pale, pasty complexion and very poor judgement.  For example a willingness to cycle in any conditions was a classic symptom of someone suffering from cycling withdrawal.

The major player for this weekend was indeed going to be the weather.

The forecast for Saturday was for a very windy day 20 mph, SSW gusting up to 35 mph. Plus it was going to rain.  Sunday was going to be not as windy but it was going to rain hard from 10 am for 4 or 5 hours.

It would be pretty dumb to start a ride on Sunday at 10 am. We arranged to start at 10 am.

AND THE FLOODGATES OF THE HEAVENS WERE OPENED

Cycling over the Humber Bridge to the meet point on the north bank for the CRC Saturday ride, I started to worry about the weather.


 I didn't like the wind and together with rain it could turn things miserable pretty quickly. Prior to leaving the house I had checked the Met Office website.

It had a dark cloud with 2 drops coming out of it.

I had once been for a ride when 1 drop rain had been forecast and got absolutely deluged. Like I'd walked into the shower with all my clothes on. This was 2 drops!


" Hey C'mon " I started to give myself a pep talk.

" So there will be some rain and you will get wet. It's not going to be like the bible is it !?"

"What the hell are you expecting ? Noah himself from the Old Testament to come on the ride so he can take cyclists into the Ark 2 by 2 ! "

"Get a grip man, nothing like that is going to hap.....HOLY MOLY !! "

Sam Looking Very Old Testament

Sam was putting in his first appearance of the year on a club ride. He had started the beard last year and it had now become .......bigger. It also had the advantage of being an extra food store for him on the ride. He could store half his breakfast in that thing and then retrieve it when required.

"I've only done 40 miles on the bike this year" he said " So I'll be hanging on at the back."

Note To Self : Ask People To Look At The Camera

Yeah right ! This was a classic cyclist blag and no-one was falling for it. It was good to see him back.

Carol tried to have a go at me for giving her the title of "The Assassin" on last week's blog.

It was half hearted though as I could tell she rather liked it.


"I rather like it actually" she said. There I told you so.

As nick names go it could have been a lot worse. I decided not to share what the ladies behind the deli counter at Tescos call me. I am a creature of habit and I always get the same thing.

" 8 slices of cooked ham please ".

One of the ladies let slip to me that I was known as " Cooked Ham Man ". The weirdest super hero name ever.  "The Assassin" is a lot cooler than " Cooked Ham Man".  I will keep that to myself though. I don't want everybody finding out about that.

Later on the ride Carol said she was enjoying my blogs which was very nice of her.

" I will definitely be donating to the charity after payday" she said.

She said that last month as well ! I didn't make too much of a fuss though. After all I didn't want a bullet between the eyes.

SATURDAY ROUTE

And so to the actual cycling. The route would take us back across the bridge to the south bank, through Barton and onto Barrow-Upon-Humber. From Barrow we would skirt the villages of Goxhill and East Halton before going past the delights of the oil refineries and power stations at Killingholme. Off towards Immingham then and round to Keelby where we would turn round to head back to the bridge via Ulceby, Wootton and Barton.

There was a stiff wind going back across the bridge particularly going past the towers where the wind was swirling and trying to push you off your bike sideways. I had experienced a lot worse though and there was no rain as yet so maybe weather wise it wasn't going to be that bad?

Do You Need A Hand James ? Oh You've Fixed It!

James who was on his first ride with us had a puncture on the way to Barrow. Adam and Charlie went back to help him.

After I'd waited a long enough time for the problem to be fixed I went back also to see if I could offer any assistance. In the event I was put in charge of making encouraging noises.

I annoyed everybody flitting up and down the Peloton to get pictures on my GoPro until Mark pointed out to me that it wasn't actually on.

I hadn't deleted the pictures from the last ride and after 30 minutes or so the memory card had just filled up and the camera had stopped.

Reluctantly I had to delete everything including the first 30 minutes of this ride so I could start again. If only you could select individual files to delete on the GoPro I said to Mark.

"You can with the GoPro app on your phone Alan. Have you got the app on your phone ?"

"Er ..yes ". Bugger.  

RAIN FELL ON THE EARTH 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS

 

We had a stop at East Halton and that is when the rain started to come down enough for me to put my rain jacket on. As we went past the refineries we were now starting to get exposed to the head wind and the real unpleasantness began.

Shortly after we had crossed the A160 making our way towards Immingham we emerged out of the protection offered to us by the buildings, trees and hedges.
 
We were now on totally exposed ground and the wind hit us like a freight train and started to chop the group up into little pieces. It was absolutely howling.

The ride took a left turn onto Killingholme Road heading for Immingham. The wind was still ripping into us, strong and head on.                                                                                                                                                               Small groups started to form. The distance between groups might have been small but to get across on your own in this wind was going to take a lot of effort.  As I have a history of failing gloriously to get across to groups in front I had a go.

Ian, Charlie, June, Wayne and Sam were off in the distance. Sam ? Would that be the Sam that has only done 40 miles this year ? The very same.

So off I went and I just made it.

Heart rate maxed out at 187 bpm as I finally edged up to the back of them. There was nothing left to give after that, only death.

I have tried to get across to a front group before on club rides and just got on the back wheel only for them to speed up and break me in the cruelest of ways. Not this time.

We wended our way through the outskirts of Immingham before turning onto Stallingborough Road and heading towards the village of the same name. It was from this point that Mother Nature decided to go all in.

Down Stallingborough Road the wind and the rain was pummelling into your face.

Wayne The Wonder !

Who on earth would want to go on the front in such conditions ?

Who would be mad enough to stick 2 fingers up to Mother Nature and say " is that all you've got " ?

And who, most importantly had the legs to do it ?

The answer dear reader was Wayne. There was an unseemly scramble to get in behind him as he made steady and serene progress against the hostile elements.

More than once I thought " Should I do a turn ?"

More than once the answer came back "F *** that.  No Chance ! "

He went all the way down Stallingborough road into the teeth of that howling gale on the front until we made a right turn onto Keelby Road to get some respite from the wind. It was awesome and I told him so. 

He was indeed deserving of a flattering nick name. But what could I call him I wondered ? It would have to begin with "W" but what could it be ?.....I Wonder ? That's it !

THE FLOOD KEPT COMING ON THE EARTH

But Mother Nature was only just getting going.  As we progressed down Keelby Road she turned the rain up to 11.  It was now bouncing up off the tarmac and there were streams of mucky water winding across the road as we pedalled along.

 
The wind was now a rollicking cross wind digging into the side of your face.

Just to add to this cocktail of suffering for a short period the rain turned into hale and started to sandblast your face off !

For a lot of this stretch I was playing dodge the rooster tail.

In weather like this water is propelled skywards by the back wheel. It can happen even if there are mudguards fitted but it will definitely happen if there are no mudguards fitted. You all know who you are.

Whoever was in front of me I would try dropping back a little bit or getting up close or moving a bit to the left or a bit to the right.

It didn't seem to really make any difference. Wherever I positioned myself water would come in a perfect arcing trajectory and slap me straight in the face. But now I was so wet anyway, it didn't matter.

When we got through Keelby I felt like I'd just stepped out of a washing machine. I was saturated from head to foot. But on the bright side the torrential rain had stopped.

THE WATER HAD RECEDED FROM THE EARTH

After a little regroupment we pressed on towards Ulceby on the B1211 Brocklesby Road this time with the conditions starting to push us along rather than obstruct our every move.

As we approached Ulceby Wayne was setting the pace again on the front and who was that doing a great job of sticking with him after doing only 40 miles on the bike this year ?

Sam. Quelle Surprise ! I think you've been rumbled mate.

From Ulceby we carried on to Wootton and then to Burnham where we made our last stop.

There was a bit of banter going on with Carol.

I didn't catch it all but apparently she was " having a word with herself "

And so off we went on the final stretch to Barton. Nobody would be going round again that's for sure.

I even had a little dig on the front myself at one point but only because we were so close to Barton I could have freewheeled home if I blew up.

THEN GOD SAID TO NOAH " COME OUT OF THE ARK......"

When we got to Barton I peeled off to go home before most of the group came through. So I missed Carol having a puncture and Ian fixing it for her. That's a shame as I could have provided some real encouragement there.

As I got home the Sun peaked out from behind the clouds as if Mother Nature was saying " Time Out ! ".

I got showered and changed and went to Tescos to get some supplies. That was only the completion of Round 1. That had been 40 miles and I had really put some hard efforts in against the wind and keeping up with the guys at the front.

Round 2 was for Sunday and the forecast was even worse than Saturday! What would tomorrow bring? I pretended it wasn't happening.

Things were going really well with the cycling at the moment. I felt I was improving, getting faster, getting stronger. Maybe I could carry this improvement on into other parts of my life ?

Why should I keep on doing the same old things day after day ?

I went up to the deli counter. The ladies exchanged a knowing glance.

" 8 slices of cooked ham please love "................TO BE CONTINUED

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