Mike The Missile

Tuesday Night Ride 03-03-15

Mike The Missile - No Picture Available

During the course of the day the weather had been quite dramatic with squalls of snow, sleet and hail. None of this had settled though and by the time the ride was to take place the forecast had a very low chance of  precipitation and a temperature of 4 degrees .  The wind was going to be the main feature again forecast at 18 mph with gusts up to 30 mph.

I posted on Facebook to ask if anyone was up for a ride. I put the laptop to one side and listened out for the telltale bleeps signaling incoming notifications.

Bleep ! - Ian will be there.
Bleep ! - Andy will be there
Bleep ! - Justin will be there

Ian, Andy and Justin are all super strong riders.  I was going to be in for a hard night

As we gathered at the Olive Gardens in Cottingham and indulged in pre-ride protocols a cyclist I didn't know turned up and asked if he could join the ride. No problem, the more the merrier.

I introduced myself and asked our new rider what his name was. It was Mike.

"I am pretty rubbish downhill but I think I can hold my own uphill" said Mike. This would turn out to be quite some understatement.

New people have got to be good for a club. They can mix things up, bring new ideas, challenge the way we are doing things and put people out of their comfort zones. Mike was about to do all of the above.

Ian had not been participating in Tuesday night rides of late due to an injury but he was now starting to get involved again. He gave a quick medical report on his strained abductor muscle.

Mike, with deadpan seriousness, then asked :

"Do you find your testicles ache ?"

Whoa !! Where did that come from !? Well Ian , do you find your testicles ache?

We had a good laugh about the question, settled on the route and then pushed off.

THE ROUTE

7 MILES

We departed Cottingham via Eppleworth Road, under the A164 and turned right up Skidby Mill Hill. Andy was leading and I slotted in behind him. As far as I was concerned, this is where I was going to stay all night tucked in behind somebody else. For me tonight was all about survival behind these guys and hang on for as long as I could.

As we went up Skidby Mill Hill we just shuffled ourselves about to get past a cyclist. He was old school, cigarette in hand and I took a deep breath as we went passed hoping to get a bit of passive. 8 years without a cigarette can do that to a man. Unfortunately the whiff of nicoteine produced an uncharacteristic surge of energy and I found myself at the front.

I was sure this wouldn't last for long with the stellar line-up on tonight's ride. At the top of Skidby Mill Hill we turned left and went through Skidby and then started on the climb up towards Little Weighton. I was still at the front as we started up the hill and was just starting to fade when a blue flash came past on the right. It was Mike. He was barely off the front for the rest of the night.

Mike went ahead up the hill and I pedaled hard to keep him in the same parish. Over the top and down into Little Weighton and then the nasty rise back up to the left turn that is Rowley road.

There was a slight easing of the pace at the start of Rowley Road to get everyone back together and then we were off like stink again with Mike in the lead.

I knew I was putting too much effort in to keep up. The pace was insane. At the end of Rowley Road we turned right up to Ripplingham. Amazingly I found myself at the front again for the short ramp up to Ripplingham where the group turned left onto a downhill run to get some relief.

There is a 5 mile Strava segment that runs from Skidby up to Ripplingham. I had knocked 2 minutes and 15 seconds off my previous best time.

Mike tried to have a conversation with me as we rolled down. I have no idea what he said I was just breathing for all I was worth. We had done 7 miles ! 7 miles and I was ready to step off the bike. I was totally finished.

BRANTINGHAM DALE

 

Luckily the roads down to Welton were undulating and generally in the downwards direction. Andy engaged Mike in conversation which mercifully meant he wasn't pushing hard. I got in behind them and tried to recover as much as possible.

Very soon we had got to Elloughton and then followed the road parallel to the A63 to arrive at the bottom of Brantingham Dale. On the lower slopes I was cycling next to Mike and I saw car head lights up ahead.

As is the custom at Cottingham Road Club I let out the customary warning call

" CAR UP !! " which has been corrupted to " CRRUUUP !! "

"No " said Mike " That's wrong ! "

" It should be " Car Down" for a car coming in front and " Car Up " for a car coming from behind "

" The way to remember it is " UP YER ARSE AND DOWN YER NECK " "

This guy was a treasure trove of one liners. Oh and I Googled it when I got home and he is right. An interesting point for club members to think about. Shall we change or stick with what everybody knows ? New people, new ideas.

We continued up the lower slopes at a decent lick. I tried to do a deal with Justin. If he helped me up this hill to a personal record then I would give him absolutely nothing in return. Well it wasn't like I could offer him the stage win was it ?

He smiled. Then he left me. Bugger.

Mike and Justin dissappeared up the road as the hill got tougher. I dug in for a battle with myself. When I got to the top I felt that maybe it could've been a PR. Subsequently on Strava I discovered for the full climb I was 5 seconds off a PR. I had lost it on the bottom slopes.

POLARIS 

 

When we carried on after Brantingham heading for the descent into North Newbald, I started to migrate towards my customary position on a Tuesday night ride. i.e the back. I had flattered to deceive so far but was using up all my reserves too fast.

As I looked at the back of Mike I finally noticed what was written on the back of his blue top in big white letters. It read " P O L A R I S ".  The "I" kind of looked like a missile . I don't know whether it was supposed to be a missile. Was the manufacturer intentionally making the link between the people who wear their jackets and a cold war submarine launched ballistic missile ?

However, in my brain the link had certainly been made. Mike was now "Mike The Missile"

The group descended Burgate into North Newbald. Mike was true to his word in being a relatively cautious descender. There was only one person more cautious, no prizes for guessing who that was.

TRUNDLEGATE

We turned round to come back up Trundlegate exchanging pleasantries with a couple of fellow cyclists also about to start the ascent.

Mike pulled away ahead, Justin and Ian were going up behind him as a pair and myself and Andy followed with our new compratiots that we had just met.

After the steep bit had turned into the not so steep bit that goes on for a long time I put myself in a world of hurt to try and catch up to Ian and Justin.

I adopted the " blow it out yer arse" method of climbing and as I edged closer to Ian and Justin I could distinctly hear myself letting out these groans of ..what was it now ?... oh yes AGONY !

As I got up to Ian and Justin, without turning round Ian said

" Is that you Alan ? "

How could he tell it was me ?

THE RUN FOR HOME AND STRETCHING THE ELASTIC BAND

At the top of Trundlegate we went straight over the junction and got onto the long straight lanes of  Littlewood Road and Middlehow Road.

The pace was fast and The Missile was leading. Andy and I talked stupid stuff at the back like school kids hoping not to get caught by the teacher :

" He's a machine, his pedaling style is just like Tony's" I said invoking the name of Our Lord   Tony Adlard.
"Do you reckon it could be Tony in disguise ? "
"No, don't be silly ! "
"What and  "he's a machine"  is not silly ?! "

We turned right and skirted Walkington before getting onto the road leading back to Little Weighton.

On the way from Walkington to Little Weighton the road goes into a dip and then it climbs out of the dip for a few hundred yards before cresting and going down into Little Weighton. Generally speaking we hit this section when we are close to the end of the ride and I am hanging on for dear life.

Time and time again I have been shed off the back coming out of that dip.

Mike, Justin & Ian were just in front. I was focused on Ian's back wheel . The figurative elastic band connecting us was short and not under strain. We went down into the dip. I pushed hard on the pedals. "Come on Alan get your momentum up the rise is coming ! ".

We went through the dip and started to climb up the hill. The elastic stretched a little bit . I put some more effort in. The strain went out of the elastic and I got a little closer to Ian.

OK lads if you keep it like this I could stay with .......oh. no, no no, no, no ! Ian had got out of the saddle to stay with Mike and Justin. They all 3 went faster all the time going up.

A gap opened up. The elastic started to come under serious tension. I pushed harder and at first got a little closer but then started to fall back. The gap got a little larger the elastic band got a little tighter.

It started to become a law of diminishing returns. The more I pushed, the more it hurt, the bigger the gap and the more stretched the elastic got. Until the inevitable TWANG ! I was going to say something smart about Young's Modulus but I think TWANG just about covers it.

I couldnt keep it up and fell right back. Andy kept me company for a little bit but then scooted off and joined the other 3. They waited for me coming out of Little Weighton and then on the sprint down to the 30 mph sign at Skidby they distanced me again.

They waited for me again in Skidby and then we all stuck together on the run in to Cottingham.

I had properly blown now and it was just as well we were at the finish as they would be dropping me all the time.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME

What an awesome ride that had been. I had dug really deep until there was nothing left. That ride had either done me a lot of good or set me back weeks, I wasn't sure which one. I dare say Ian, Andy and Justin were a little out of their comfort zones as well at times. It's nice to know they are human.

We all said our goodbyes and I thanked my lucky stars I had come in the car and would soon be cocooned in heated South Korean luxury.

I thought about Mike, who was that guy ? He had developed a nose bleed on the way in so he couldn't be a machine could he ? But no hang on the T800 terminator is living tissue over a metal endoskeleton so he still could be a machine.

Seriously though it was great to meet Mike, I hope he found us a welcoming bunch and I hope he comes again, but we will have to sort out some additional weight for him. Maybe he could carry a horse round with him or something.

I wondered how my training was going. Was I doing the right things ? Was I coming on OK ? Would I be up to the challenge of a 100 mile ride ?

But most of all I wondered whether Ian's testicles ached.

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